the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
