I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
