How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize