Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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