I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
