fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
