VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
