Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
