one two three fourrrrnication!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
