at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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