If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
