im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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