I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
