marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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