I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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