3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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