This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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