her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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