thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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