We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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