at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
