honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
