I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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