I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
