Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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