yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
