So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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