conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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