how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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