One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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