Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There's even glitter on my cock...
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