we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
