I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
