I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the day after is always just damage control
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
