i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Even my vagina gasped.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
