Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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