does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
