also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
