what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
