i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
