Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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