Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
