So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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