come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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