Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.