If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize