i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.