My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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