Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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