The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?