So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
