I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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