Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
