Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
