Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
