I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
only if we run a train.
done.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
