He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish you could order shots online.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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