i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
