if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
