i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
