I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
