ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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