i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
