With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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