You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
