I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
