dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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