SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
