I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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