I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
