My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
